God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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