he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
