found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
