first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
