Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
