Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
