Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I did not marry a roomba.
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