this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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