I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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