this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
