How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
