there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
