My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
