Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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