I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
