i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
