Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize