i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
