a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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