So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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