If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Boobs are out for the taking
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
