I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
