Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
