I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
