saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
