I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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