Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
