from now on my penis is your penis
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
