Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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