just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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