I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
