just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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