Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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