so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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