It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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