I must be too annoying 4 u.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
