Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
