Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
