bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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