Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
