It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You were trust falling into bushes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
