I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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