i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I understand Curling. That high.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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