Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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