i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
