I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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