you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
