After last night, I could never be a politician.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
