You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
