I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
