in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
