No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize