happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
