If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
