I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
