Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
