he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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