Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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