Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
