Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
