so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
