I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
