If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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