Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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