I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
