I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
