You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
