Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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