he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
