you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
